Goodbye Emotional Eating

It's Day 11 of my new diet. In 11 days I have lost three pounds. A slow start, but with reason. I began this diet and spent a lot of time in the bathroom. It was most definitely a change in taste as I never eat plain oatmeal or broccoli and I never drink this much water. I was feeling resentful of having to eat this way when we went to a Father's Day cook out. At the time my total loss in three days was three pounds. I had forgotten my meals and ended up caving into temptation. I thought "what's one day of good food? I'll just lose whatever I gain back." Well in one day of eating ribs and potato chips and sausage and potatoes I gained back all three pounds. I thought, "ok, a start over."

I went back to the diet starting that Monday and by Tuesday and Wednesday I was begging for a chocolate cake. In an effort to please me while in the "dog house" my husband actually bought a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. This actually had the opposite effect he was hoping for and got him further into the "dog house." I had to realize I was talking to a man and when he heard I wanted a cake and knew I was mad about something else, well the man provided what I said I wanted. I told him I will probably say I want a lot of things while on this diet, but do not give them to me! Since the cake was in the house and chocolate is my number one all time weakness, I caved. Since I was caving anyway I also indulged in a chicken sausage, hot dog bun, mustard, Parmesan pasta and juice. Back to my starting point YET AGAIN.

The next day I couldn't go back to my diet because I came down with the flu. I barely ate the next two days. When I was feeling better and wanted to eat, that chocolate cake was staring me down. My husband was enjoying a piece and just the thought of sweet heavenly chocolate goodness drove me nuts. I was literally getting silverware out and about to grab a piece when I saw my reflection in the window. I put the silverware back and I looked at myself and thought, "I don't want to be fat anymore."

And so I feel my journey now truly begins. Kind of like smoking, dieting is something you have to be mentally ready for. I spent some time the next day thinking about how bad I really want to lose this weight. If I don't start saying, "no" when I'm tempted then I will never lose this weight and I will forever be the fat girl. My main motivation behind starting this diet is to look good in the two weddings I'm standing in next year. I am determined not to be that fat girl stuffed in a dress next to a bunch of beautiful thin and fit women. I want to feel as beautiful outside as I do inside.

I am going to be continuously tempted and so I have come to the mental understanding that I need to stop being so emotionally attached to food. My problem is that I attach happy emotions with eating something "good." What I am focusing on now is thinking of food as fuel. I need to put clean, wholesome fuel into my body in order to shape into what I want. The mental change is incredibly difficult. I now need to look at that chocolate cake with chocolate fudge frosting (yes, it's still sitting in my kitchen) as toxic waste instead of the answer to bringing me happiness. A few seconds of "good" taste is not worth my health or my life.

Losing weight for me is not just about wanting to look good. I have two little girls who need their mother around. Technically speaking right now I am "morbidly obese" according to my doctor's chart. I think we all know the multiple risks that puts me in, especially since diabetes runs extremely high in my family.

It's time to be happy because I am happy with life and myself, not because I'm shoving something fat and greasy into my face.

Current weight: 219. Below 220 for the first time in a year and a half.

Not Feeling So Hot

Today is day #2 of my new diet. Yesterday was day #1. I spent a good part of the morning yesterday preparing a few days worth of food. I did not get to prepare my greens or beef though and ended up too busy with my business and forgot to eat my last two meals. Yesterday the diet seemed easy. The foods weren't too bad mixed with some allowed additives such as cinnamon and garlic. The plain oatmeal was tough to get down but I was also in a hurry as my daughter was needing my attention. It was tough to keep up on the water intake but I came pretty close. Even with skipping the last two small meals I went to bed feeling satisfied and woke up still feeling satisfied.

I was exhausted this morning and had absolutely no energy. As soon as I was woken up both my daughters were up wanting to be fed. Before I knew it it was 10:30 am, I had been up for three hours and not eaten or exercised. I also was starting to have some stomach pains. I didn't feel so hot and I didn't really want to eat anything. I kept up with the water intake but couldn't even think about the foods on my list to eat. I ate a handful of oyster crackers (not on the diet) and then became so busy with my two fussy girls that I forgot to eat again.

I've been having lots of tummy problems today. When the girls went down for their nap I could have eaten then but I wasn't feeling hungry and I was very exhausted so I took a snooze also. Upon waking I finally felt hungry. My daughter was starving (as she usually is after waking from a nap) and just the smell of peanut butter as I made a sandwich was driving me nuts. When the hint of the peanuty goodness hit my nose I wanted to quit right then and there. This is where my weakness for food usually overtakes my will to lose weight. As soon as I am uncomfortable or unhappy in what I'm eating and I see or smell yummy food that someone else has, I cave. Not this time!

I licked my fingers after I gave my daughter her sandwich and I thought, "O no! Sugar! I'm not supposed to have that!" That's when I decided I can't give up. Especially not so early! I HAVE to give this a good chance. My friend thinks that perhaps my body is draining the fat out. That could be it. I think I may have also caught a bug of some sorts since I'm so lethargic and not hungry. The bathroom part is probably my bodies reaction (I won't go into that. :)

So my first reaction was to cave and stuff my face. I overcame my first moment of weakness.

Start Over!!

Ok so I didn't do so well with trying to count calories. I have found a diet that tells me what to eat when and what to do for exercise and when. I think I will have better luck with this because there is no room for cheating. I have to stick to exactly what is written down on my paper. I'm just that type of person! Food is my biggest weakness!

I knew about a week ago that I would be starting this diet. I took the last week to enjoy all of the foods I love and won't be having for a very very long time! Pizza, burgers, ice cream (lots!) and so much more! Even with all of my pigging out in the last week, I didn't gain any weight back. I still have a loss of 5 pounds since I first started this blog. Hopefully I will be losing that plus some in this first week of the new diet!

Because this diet was given to me by a friend who paid money for it (we are exchanging services), I can't disclose the details of what I'm eating daily.

My hubby bought me a new food scale yesterday and I'm working now on making a few days worth of food! I'M SO EXCITED!!! BYE BYE COTTAGE CHEESE BUTT!

Starting weight on this diet: 222 pounds!

Week 1

So I decided that it isn't very realistic for me to do a daily post. I will instead do a weekly post! Between taking care of my girls, the house, school work and developing my business, it isn't easy to get time to write on here.

I had a few moments of weakness last week. My husband and I went out to TGI Friday's and I had ribs (which melted right off the bone), fries and a sangria. I wasn't able to get on the treadmill very much. That is going to be the number one obstacle... making time for working out. With both girls being up at different times and napping at different times and basically needing me 24/7 and my husband being gone 11 hours a day Monday through Friday, I'm going to have to figure something out.

By Friday I had lost 4 pounds. Yesterday I had gained 2 pounds back. That makes my total weight loss for the first week 2 pounds. My goal for this week is 5 pounds!